Match Report Vs London Bari U23s

Before I start this match report I want to make it clear that I thought I had a terrible game so I have

no idea how I became man or the match, I guess you all had the sun in your eyes and couldn’t see

what I was doing. Before I begin with the game I can’t remember all the scorers, the order they

scored and how they score so I may have to make it up and with one goal you can fill in the blanks

yourselves.

Once again we start on a Thursday Night 6 a side league in Battersea where a couple of Atholl

players (Myself and Chris D) were playing against a Spanish team. You guess it they were diving they

were rolling around like they had been shot but there was a win for the team that had Chris D and I

played for and I think Chris may of scored a goal on Thursday but I am sure he has told you that he

dribbled it around every player on the pitch before doing a triple somersault with the ball between

his feet and back heeling the ball into the top corner which ripped through the net. I’m sure what I

saw was he tapped it in to an empty net after the ball after the hard work was done by everyone

else.

Anyway back to Atholl. It was a glorious Saturday afternoon in North London where Atholl took on

London Bari “U23s”. I received a lift from Chris D in the morning and we had to drop his mate off at

home and a Halloween party the night before. We get in the car and the tell me his mate was

wearing an Ebola suit last night and showed me the freaky looking gas mask, claiming his housemate

bought it just incase there is a Ebola epidemic in London. Once Chris’ Ebola suited friend was

dropped off, we went to go pick up Joe for his standard spectator point. Once we were on our way

to North London Chris remembered that Wolves were playing earlier and we tried to fine the game

on the radio. Luckily for Joe and I we couldn’t get the radio station to work as the game ended 0-0.

We arrived at the astroturf and everyone that turned up said the same thing “It’s great weather for

football.” Oh how wrong they were.

We were in the changing rooms and news filters through that Jeff and his cones of torture were

going to be late. He was so late that he turned up half way through the first half. Somehow Jeff will

spin that so he gets positive fantasy points. Once out of the changing rooms we were told we

weren’t allowed on the 3G pitch until kick off so had to do our warm up in the park nearby. We get

to the park and there was a goalkeeper training session they asked me to join and I declined due to

the fact I did not want to be show up the goalkeeping coach in front of his 8 year old goalkeepers.

Once our warm up was complete we headed back to the 3G pitch and there was a game still playing

on it, once the full time whistle went we were allowed on and was told by the ref we were going to

start straightaway. Thanks ref we wanted to get used to the surface first.

.

The game started and we started well. We passed the ball nicely and BOOM!!!!! Lewis scores a good

goal slotted beautifully passed the keeper (who was wearing sunglasses which I didn’t find out till

halfway throught the second half). Peter had his first shot of the season which almost hit next Andy

Murray on the head on the tennis courts behind the pitch. We piled on the pressure and we receive

a corner. The corner was pinging in and Matt ‘The Chairman’ Cav bundles the ball into the back of

the net. Wave after wave of Atholl attacks and London Bari ‘U23s’ (they were not under the age of

23 so need to change their name) couldn’t handle it. Just like Thursday Chris D scores but mistakes

the post for someone wearing a light blue shirt as he decided to play a one two with the post before

scoring 3-0. London Bari Over 23s played a defence splitting ball and their striker latch on to it and

shoot a got a touch on the shoot but wasn’t enough. Tom had to go off injured which was a bit of a

blow, moments after that when trying to collect the ball at the feet of the striker he kicked me in the

hip which I know a big bruise to show for it. Half time whistle went and the score was 3-1. (I can’t

remember if we got our 4th in the first or second half).

The half team talk there was people saying we can thump this team, not going to mention

names….Matt Cav. As I went out for the second half I put my cap on but it was no good the sun was

too low for the cap and the sun was in my eyes. London Bari come out firing they played another

through ball through and they attacker slotted it pass me into the back of the net. Out of nowhere a

goal for Atholl the scorer was ________________ (fill the blank) and he scored by

_________________ (fill the blank with your own imagination). The score was 4-2 and London Bari

were piling on the pressure another through ball and another goal 4-3, were they really going to

come back. They had a free kick on our right hand side it was floated in and headed down by the

London Bari player only for the ball to hit my leg which was rooted to the spot like a great oak tree

and kept out.

Now for the moment you have all been waiting for the strangest goal to ever be scored against

Atholl FC. London Bari had the ball 30 yards from goal and their player had a pop shot at goal. I saw

it leave his foot and because to the sun the next time I saw it had bounced next to me into the back

of the net. 4-4 ‘great’ weather for football more like terrible weather for goalkeepers. Finally some

luck the cross come it from the right and I caught the ball yet it slipped out of my hands like a bar of

soap and headed towards the goal. I ran after it and scooped it out of the goal, when the ball was 3

foot over the line. I stood up with the ball in my hands look at the ref and he said no goal. The last 10

mins we had to play with 10 men as Pete pulled a muscle and couldn’t continue and all the subs had

been used. The ref blew the full time whistle.

There was a controversial man of the match vote. Two names were mentioned in the voting process

Owain and Pete. My name was mentioned by Chris D but wasn’t taken seriously by management.

Jeff said it was between Pete and Owain. Owain had a couple of vote, Pete had one more vote but

not everyone had voted my name was called and more hands went up. A total undeserved man of

the match after one of my worse games ever, but thanks for the extra fantasy point lads.