AFC Defib 2 vs 4 Ruishtards FC

AFC Defib vs Ruishtards FC Final Score: AFC Defib 2 - 4 Ruishtards FC Format: 5-a-side | 40 mins one half Occasion: Last game of the season – and potentially the club’s final ever kickabout. We turned up ready to fight, and also ready to make sure nobody forgot our names (for better or worse).   Lineup - GK: Hari Morgan - CB: Alex Attwell - LB: Aidan Gigg - RB: Tom Kennett - ST: Matthew Hughes - Subs: Declan Mennell, Josh Gillard, Mckenzie Jones   Match Report The warm-up was surprisingly on fire – we found the net more times than we found our own bench. The absolute highlight? Declan pulling off a filthy nutmeg on Alex, a moment so humiliating it’ll be the first thing mentioned at any reunion, wedding or funeral we all attend. Alex still claims he “let it happen to boost team morale”. We’re not buying it for a second. We started like we meant business – tight shape, actual passing, zero panic kicks. And bloody hell, we took the lead early! Alex rolled out a perfect lay-off right into Tom’s path, who absolutely leathered the ball past their keeper so hard it nearly came back out. The Ruishtards lot just stared at each other like we’d just announced we’d all signed for Man City. Then Declan and Josh came on, and within minutes Ruishtards equalised with a shot that sailed straight through Declan’s legs. Turns out his famous fairy spins are great for confusing people, but leave a gap big enough to park a transit van in. Chances flew end to end, with some lovely link-up between Tom, Mckenzie and Josh… until Josh got the ball. Defensively he was an immovable object, but give him the ball near goal and he had the touch of a frozen potato and the finishing ability of someone who’s only ever seen a football on TV. We hit back fast – Ruishtards messed up a clearance so badly it looked like they were handing us the win on a plate, and Mckenzie nipped in to slot us back ahead. The upset was well and truly on! Then they broke on the counter: Hari pulled off a save so good we cheered louder than for our goals, but the rebound was tapped in to level things up again. We kept pushing – Mckenzie held the ball up like it owed him money, Matthew chased every lost cause like it stole his pint. Then Matthew got a bit too inspired by Declan’s signature moves, tried a fancy spin, and passed straight to their striker instead of a teammate. It was so bad we almost gave him a round of applause for the commitment. We kept fighting right to the death, but switched off for literally two seconds at a corner and they bundled in their fourth. Even then, Ruishtards wouldn’t push forward – they were terrified we’d nick another one and make them look daft. Full time went, heads held high: we lost, but we gave them the scare of their lives.   Player Summary - Hari Morgan (GK): Pulled off some absolute world-class stops, and his long balls were way better – sadly most of them still landed straight at Josh’s feet. Next time just boot it into the next postcode mate, it’s safer. - Alex Attwell (CB): Rock solid, set up the opening goal perfectly – though his long-range shots have about as much chance of hitting the target as Declan does of keeping a straight face when he nutmegs someone. - Aidan Gigg (LB): Night and day from last time – no more charging around like a headless chicken on an ice rink! Calm, clever and easily our most improved by miles. - Tom Kennett (RB): Ran more miles than a pizza delivery driver on a Friday night, won every tackle, scored that thunderbolt – absolute warrior. - Matthew Hughes (ST): Worked his socks off, never stopped pressing – though he’ll want that “assist for the opposition” pass erased from history. - Declan Mennell: Crunched some brilliant tackles, but going forward he moves like a double-decker bus on a narrow country lane – slow, hard to turn, and you never quite know where he’ll end up. - Josh Gillard: Impossible to get past at the back, but up front he looked like he’d never held a round object before. We swear he flinched every time the ball came near his feet in the box. - Mckenzie Jones: Kept his cool brilliantly, held play up so well, and took his goal like he does it every week – top class.   Man of the Match: Tom Kennett The Ginger N’Golo Kanté – covered every blade of grass, bossed the whole game, and set the standard from the very first kick. If that was his last game, he could not have done it any better. Absolute legend.   Silly Awards ?? Nutmeg Champion Forever: Declan Mennell – for the legendary humbling of Alex that will never, ever be forgotten. ?? Most Confusing Move: Declan again – nobody knows how he turns that slowly but still gets where he needs to be. ?? Golden Assist (To The Wrong Team): Matthew Hughes – that pass was so accurate even their striker was surprised. ?? Scariest For The Opposition: Tom Kennett – they looked terrified every time he ran at them. ?? Best Impression Of A Statue: Josh Gillard – stood so still at the back we thought he’d been frozen in time. ?? Most Improved Chaos: Aidan Gigg – went from “what even is positioning?” to “actually knows what he’s doing” in one game. ?? Best Delivery Driver: Hari Morgan – consistently delivered the ball straight to the opposition’s feet.