Match Report - WILLIAN YA MA - 13 Sep 2023

Another top of the table clash this week, as Pork in 2nd played 3rd place. And after last week's humiliation, Pork needed a morale boosting victory

1-0 down in the 2nd minute was not a great start. But then the porkers began to fire. Mainly high and wide, but on target often enough to claim a magnificent 4-3 victory

The crowd were entralled by the style of play. Some likened it to the total football of ajax, as every player attempted to play in every position. Others called it chaotic as no player had a role they could actually fulfill.

Blow by blow events and player stats were updated during the game and are available using the new app, as management invest further advancing the club.

Hamstring Gary 6 - one outstanding save, one calamity leading to a goal and a row with the referee as he walked out of the box holding the ball. Would have scored higher except for stealing colleague pints in the bar

Ankle Taggy 7 (MoM) - played mainly at the back, biting tackles and one marauding, slaloming weave which ended with a stumble and wheeze so was a bit pointless TBH

Chicken George 2 - still agitating for a move, refusing to wear the kit and alienating all squad members in the clubhouse. With only the Turkish window open and no apparent interest, will have to start reintegrating himself soon. Would have scored the perfect hatrick 'if only someone could cross a ball's, is not how you go about that

Steptoe 6 - couldn't influence the game going forward as less talented colleagues cinsistently pushed him back to defensive responsibilities. On a positive, didn't score an OG this week

Ben the hobbit 6 - another who found himself more often at the back than his usual game. When he did manage to get forward, his shooting was shite. Management keep persevering as they have seen what he can do, but is his best now behind him?

Flack 6.5 - highly motivated playing against lads who got the better of him last time. His best, most sober?, game for some time. Scoring 2 and assisting 1, would have scored ahatrick but for one awful header which the ref blamed 'on his hairline'

The maypole 6 - a tentative return after serious injury and running shakira-esque straight lines. Brought a new, ultra-slow, pace to the game, but both his vision and dislike of the 'hollywood' ball remain

Back in the clubhouse we were treated to an enormous portion of chicken and chips. There appeared more as chicken George was positioned some way away on his own

He did manage to alienate flack again with his comments 'I've never run a marathon but I could do it quicker than that'

Hamstring, somewhat ironically, shared his grasp of the English language offering to look at his thingasaurus

Gylfi has secured his future opening a new 'county line' with flack his key distribution channel

And steptoe clarified for everyone what he does for a living, we are all the wiser now we know he works in 'finance'

Watch your pints when Hamstring is around!

Onwards and upwards