Pork Vale vs Pigeons
1 - 3
18 October 2023 · Soccer Gods<br>Championship
Home league match played on 18 October 2023.
Kicked off at 8:20 PM
1-3
vs Pigeons
Home league match
Never before has management wished the professor was available for selection. Or indeed the pie pirlo. But yesterday was that day.
Against a young, fit side, Pork dominated the ball. Often toying with the oppo. But in the final third, were woeful, whomever was playing up too. Hamstring Gary had 2 shots to save and somehow conceded 3, though to be fair he wasn't helped by one of his defenders as pork crashed to a 3-1 defeat
Hamstring Gary 4 - dived over the first, slowly.. got nowhere near the second but hurt his hand falling, slowly. The OG was a fine left-foot finish from sicknote. Did stop 1 attack as he came 'racubg out', but distribution was hit and miss. When a teammate comments, hamstring advised him to 'focus on your own game you cunt'
Ankle taggy 5 - an incredible no-look pass set the scene as he passed directly to the oppo. Then settled in to the game and dominated their forwards with his biting tackles. Tried his luck up front, and quickly came back to defense.
Chicken George 4 - he did say nothing would change with the baby and he was actually correct. Defensively quite solid, but continued his 'pass completion 0%' stat, as once again failed to find a colleague with a single pass. Did try and make a change with his foray into midfield/attack and again was quickly pulled back to defense.
Prancing Neil 6 - mom purely by virtue of scoring our own goal - a sweet volley. Missed an open goal firing wide with no-one to beat. Had plenty of the ball but missed a willing front runner, or even just a hobbit
Steptoe 5 - on the way back from illness, tackled well and had plenty of the ball. Several opportunities to shoot, but preferred to turn himself inside out and pass to someone else who inevitably wouldn't score.
Jeeves 4 - for some reason started up front. And stayed there? Rumours he has lost a yard if pace, but the bleep test machine is not working so we can't test that. Curled one wide and didn't get to the back post to tap one in and that was it really. Not his best nights work
Sicknote 3 - started badly as he went on the pitch before Jeeves had left and was penalised for playing with 7. Then got worse as his first touch bounced off his foot onto the adjoining pitch. Followed it up with an own goal, that, to be fair, was the best finish if the night. Then berated everyone else for being shite. Welcome back sicknote
The squad trudged off in the rain, knowing they should have won that game
Repurcussions in the clubhouse as chicken george was advised 'you brought us nothing'
Hamstring is taking his Twister mat to gylfis sausage and cider house warming party
No scampi offered, just a mound of onion rings
And if you are looking to downsize, don't go to the fat yeti for advice
Onwards and mid-table respectability seems assured
SD