Arch V South Moor Sports (League)

Oxhill Central v South Moor Sports (League)

Gavin Clues and get it on

After last week’s cup success, we were at home to the team from up the road at Nanny Goat Island in the league. Obviously, we are above making woolly hats and sending out Christmas Day greetings and prefer to get on and concentrate on the football. The morning didn’t get off to a good start where Cat Meat failed to turn up for his own 9.30am meeting time and he had 7 cars full of footballers and 3 cars full of Jehovah Witnesses lining up the Moor bank causing all kinds of traffic chaos. One of the god botherers had to brake the lock on the school gate to let us all in the car park to. All of this went on and didn’t affect Gav who stood on his own happily munching on a giant family bag of Spicy Onion Rings that he stole from ‘The Red Shop’. Ex Manager Jeff declined an offer of an onion ring as he didn’t know where Gav’s hands had been, Jeff ate a banana instead. The much-anticipated arrival of new signing Jam was a let down as he simply didn’t show up. His phone was switched off and all the curtains at his house were shut. Greener’s short time at The Arch has come to an end as he has asked for a transfer to the wee club from The East of Stanley and Cat Meat has ran up a 6 grand chucky bill on the club’s Puma account. Since Pee became boring he’s proper let himself go, he’s wandering around with a weeks’ worth of stubble on his face, a pocket full of dog poo bags, rips in his clothes and holes in his shoes, Gillian have a word with him! Sheep had a poo in the changing room and stunk the place out, even the referee was sick. Joe Gill is brill tried to kill JP by throwing a tub of Vix Vapour rub off his head and Little Luke’s boots smell of strawberry Volvic water. Liam Jägermeister said it’s important that your feet hydrate. Cat Meat asked Jeff for some new supplies for our first aid kit. Jeff gave him a bottle of tipex and a pack of post ‘it’ notes. The game kicked off and Bezz’s kids were left feral running around The Moor with nothing other than half a house brick to play with. Fisha got crunched by a couple of Quakies thugs and did a forward summersault flip and landed on his nose. As for the football we battered them and missed loads of chances. However, Gav the old warhorse was on hand to show the young’uns how to go on by getting the winner, lets Gavin Clues and get it on. The Quakies keeper broke our wobbly goal. Special mention to Andy Clark the 80’s pop star who yet again was mint at the back. At the Arch Fisha asked Liva how much a can of coke was but Liva ignored him. The Duffy twins sang the baby shark song 17 times, so I went home.

Some of the above are true made up stories.

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Regards

Singe

www.singevert.vpweb.co.uk