Arch V Scotch Arms ( Consent Charity Cup Round 1)

Oxhill Central v The Scotch Arms (Consett Charity Cup 1st round)

Police Interceptors

Bonzo Brown caught Gav last night buying 8 cans of Fosters from ‘The Red Shop’ while wearing his Goofie onsie. Apparently, he’d already drunk 19 bottles of Stela on the afternoon. Some people suggested that Gav wouldn’t be fit for today’s cup game against The Scotch Arms. Dangerous Davies went out for a birthday tea with his special Shed friends and Andy Clark the 80’s pop star. Gav of course came to football was as right as rain and fit as a fiddle and ready to go. Andy Cark was nowhere to be seen the wet wipe! The morning got off to a shambolic start where Cat Meat was late again and had 9 cars queuing up South Moor Bank as they couldn’t get into the car park, causing all kinds of traffic mayhem. Cat Meat then announced that he forgot to contact the referee during the week to confirm the game and didn’t know if we had one. Pee then turned up and told us he’d lost the key to his garage and couldn’t get the strips out. Carter was dispatched back home to get an old set of strips out of his garage that doubles up as The Arch Museum. Pee put his new green dog walking Wellington Boots on and then went off to get his car washed. JP told us he’d brought the water bottles but forgot to fill them. Then we found out that school’s repair work to our wonky goal that broke at the last game was for them to wrap a role of electrician’s tape around them. Obviously, they broke as soon as they were pulled out of the lock up. Thankfully Doller Tez from TLC handyman and Joe gill is brill with his apprentice Bott managed to temporarily fix them with a net hook and a length of bailing twine. Carter arrived in the nick of time with a bag of old strips where The Monk took delight in dressing like a gimp. Panic over the referee turned up and we could get a game of football underway. Killa has a head like a spray-painted tennis ball and Little Luke stuck Elastoplast’s over everybody’s back. Shola the engine came to watch his first game of football since October, he’s got a new hair style it looks like he combs his head with a hot spoon. Just before half time the Police Interceptors turned up chasing a stolen car around the Moor and we were 3.1 down. 2nd half kicked off and we were 5.2 down. We brought on our new signing a lad called Scott who Connor Brown’s Mam found down the back of her couch and he scored we then had a bit of a fight back but ultimately lost 5.4. Special mention to Joe Gill who scored 2 goals in the right end and 2 goals in the wrong end and we found out that Broccoli Head Matty and the Broccoli twins had a fight in Poundland at The Metro Centre with some giant bloke who bought the last packet of bird seed in the shop. The Police Interceptors had the main road blocked and to get to the Arch we had to drive over the tops around The Font and back up The Moor bank.

Some of the above are true made up stories.

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Regards

Singe

www.singevert.vpweb.co.uk