Arch V Craghead Legion (League)

Oxhill Central v Craghead (league)

Carter the unstoppable goal machine

The big kick off to our 2018/19 season had us entertain Craghead in a 1st division league game on a wet morning. It has to be said that Little Luke has changed so much since he had that nap in Dusseldorf. He’s stopped talking and doesn’t do any ‘classic pranks’ anymore. Someone else who’s changed is Liam Jägermeister who informed us that ‘none of his friends play football’. Thanks Liam! Manager JP was down the pitch early with his new BOSS mug that was filled full of hot coffee or it might have been chilli sauce. His morning wasn’t helped when we had a few absences from the squad, some valid and some unexplained. Shola the engine was the first to cry off, apparently, he was scared of the Craghead hard lads. Donnelly the South Moor Messi said he was going to be late and Gateshead Dan from Dipton was a no show. Joe Gill is brill was named as our skipper for the season with Killa as his deputy. Killa has finally been cured of Pelton leg rot and Gav has a savage haircut, he did this to himself with a blunt razor while he was looking for his car keys. Thankfully he was named in our starting x1 and played alongside Carter the veteran who scored a worldie. The usual meeting time for a home game is 9.30am, Gateshead Dan turned up at 11.30am so he holds the Arch record for turning up the latest, that’s if you ignore the fact that we are still waiting for Donnelly. Ex Manager Jeff scared the referee with Gandalf’s staff and a naughty Craghead player kicked a ball into the car park and one on the school roof. Luckily Dollar Tez had his ladders on his van and Cat Meat and Little Luke were dispatched to rescue them. Carter kicked the ball into Sheep’s brothers goolies. Sheep’s brother is called Goat. We won the game 6.2 with goals from Kei, Carter, Broccoli Head Matty, 2 towering headers from Joe Gill is brill (one of them he jumped higher than Pontop Pike), and Gateshead Dan. Back at the changing room Gav realised that he’s been playing with 3 pairs of socks on his feet and a knee support brace on his head. Back at the club Liam Jägermeister is the first footballer to pay off his subs for the season, so he wins an egg cup full of Buckfast at next years presentation and Cat Meat broke The Arch clock. My new favourite Arch player is Carter because he’s a black belt in Kung fu.