Match Report - SLEAZY CUNTS - 26 Oct 2016

The last time a team with only five players won a 5-a-side game, football was played with a pig's bladder, Jesus had only just published the Bible, and James Edwards had only just been born.

Having seen the preview earlier in the day, Sleazy Cunts tracked down BJFC's playmaker Will Nicoll and stole his clothes. Even though he was willing to play sans-strip, the police apprehended him before he could make it to the pitch.

With one player down, the Juniors were reduced to five. Despite having the odds stacked against them, the club were keen to preserve their record of never forfeiting a match, so the boys bravely decided to take on the 14-strong Sleazy Cunts squad.

The game started quickly, but neither team could break the deadlock. James Sproston rattled the post from the penalty spot, and the opposition keeper was on top form to deny James Edwards early on.

However as the game progressed, the Juniors grew in confidence. Ryan Craig and Harry Van Der Hoek netted late in the first half, before a long range effort found it's way under Jake Hawkyard into the corner.

With the game poised like an animal on a hunt, the Juniors had to be savvy with four pairs of tired legs and one set of ruined shins. Nevertheless, the team's intensity was maintained. Craig pressed the opposition, won the ball, and slotted into the corner.

From then on Craig took control, abusing defenders at will. He added four more and set up Van Der Hoek for another. James Edwards wasn't so fortunate, as the world famous Lottos couldn't produce their famed magic.

As the game entered it's final stages, Hawkyard decided to go for a saunter outfield, for the first time since his the club's inaugural season. As the boys pressed forwards in the last minute, Hawkyard's made a darting run for the edge of the box. Shortly after, he left the pitch on a stretcher, suffering from a rare case of shin combustion.

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